Monday, 26 August 2013

Signalex Mini Earphones

Sound familiar? I started this blog by reviewing a pair of Signalex inner-ear earphones and now I'm reviewing a pair of outer-ear ones. It's worth bearing in mind that I have never owned any outer-ear earphones that I have enjoyed, or that actually stay in my ear.

Packaging


Ok... So I'll start with the packaging. Underneath "Mini Earphones" written on the front of the packaging are the, I must say, fairly unbelievable words, "Fantastic Sound Quality". Pretty much the last thing I expected with this product before buying it was a fantastic sound quality. A phrase which makes me think unrivalled, groundbreaking and futuristic but for the fact they're being sold for a pound. Maybe my understanding of the word "fantastic" is a little off. I don't know. It's always possible though isn't it? I suppose I wouldn't be reviewing it if it wasn't absolutely impossible. Luckily, the description on the back of the packet is more in keeping with what I have seen on most of the items in Poundland. I figure this is how they came up with the description:

"Ok guys, thanks for coming today. Basically this is a focus group and we need you to think positive. We want your HONEST opinion about these earphones...and only mention the good things...just don't make shit up. We need some descriptions for the back of our packet."

After a fairly unsuccessful focus group consisting of  it-doesn't-fucking-matter-how-many people, the Signalex board (?) were able to come up with these 4 points:


  • "Compatible with all MP3 players"
Thank fuck basically. I hate buying things only to find out problems that had never existed before ended up being a massive problem.


  • "Cable length: 1.2 metres (approx)"
I was already confused as to what "Mini Earphones" actually were. Now that they seem to be promoting them as not mini, I am doubly confused. Also, I really don't care what length the cable is as long as I can stand up without the earphones being torn from my ear and to be perfectly honest, the longer, the shittier. Apparently they didn't care either since they don't actually know what fucking length the cable is.


  • "Compact and lightweight - easy to take anywhere"
Who exactly is going to read this and think "Yes, these are the earphones for me!" That's like marketing a cymbal as "not easily shattered when hit with drumsticks" and expecting people to be impressed.


  • "Listen to your favourite music in clarity"
At least they are being truthful here... if by clarity they mean complete and utter fucking silence. Trust me. I've started listening to stuff and I'm about to tell you that they are pretty bad.

Sound

These earphones are pretty bad. At top volume in my ipod, walking in a fairly quiet field, I can barely hear what I'm listening to and that is no exaggeration at all. I guess I will try and describe the sound to you however. It reminds me of the last pair of Signalex earphones, except that they were a bit more comfortable. And louder too. "Piercing" if I remember correctly. Everything still sounds repressed. My ears are telling me it is too loud, even though it isn't and there is something inconsistent about the sound. On the back of the packet, it tells us to "avoid listening to your earphones at loud volumes as this can damage your hearing", so at least they have taken safety into their own hands by actually taking away the option of volume. I don't have to worry about avoiding it. The drum sound is particularly affected especially with heavier and bassier music and it seems to blend in with the bass a bit, but I'll let Signalex off with that one because I was walking at the time and that's obviously going to affect the earphones.

It has to be said that listening to music on my computer is an improvement, because of volume and the fact that the sound of your own footsteps don't overpower the sound of what you're listening to. They also don't fall out of your ears quite as much. When it says "Listen to your favourite music in clarity", I'm beginning to think they were trying to explain that you need to be in a silent area with nothing going on to hear anything. The earphones don't create the clarity; it is more that an otherwise sense of clarity is needed before giving them a try. After listening to my music in clarity, I can kind of understand that these earphones are better or clearer (clarity) than some others you can buy but it certainly doesn't warrant "fantastic sound quality" written on the front of the packet. You should be able to make out what you are listening to no problem though. Unless of course you own an ipod shuffle, because it doesn't have a screen. Haha, you're fucked.

Comfort

I have always had problems using outer-ear earphones, or earphones without inner buds. I did use ipod earphones in the past, but I had to to stop using them due to the amount of blisters and sore lumps I was getting from constantly having to put them back in my ear everytime they fell out. Understandably, I had to approach these earphones with caution and was perhaps already naturally biased about the whole thing. But, none of this matters, because they are genuinely uncomfortable. Unlike their inner-ear counterparts however, they don't CLAIM to possess "ultimate comfort", so I'm not so taken aback by their discomfort this time.

Other points?

I have never heard the term "Mini" earphones before and I'm not sure what it means. I looked the term up but found nothing. It could definitely be a very immediate irritation not knowing what you're paying your pound for before you buy it. You can think about what it might mean for a while, but if it means anything other than "oh, the cable's a bit shorter" or "do they really have earphones for smaller ears now?" then Signalex should really consider changing the name. On top of that, they should probably change "Fantastic Sound Quality" to something a bit less ridiculous.

Overall?

When you consider the poor sound quality and the particularly unimpressive range of volume then there's probably very little good you can say about the earphones. They aren't particularly comfortable and I don't care about their appearance. They are cheap though, and not the worst pair I've ever had, however if I was comparing them to the previous pair of Signalex earphones with inner earbuds, then I would probably choose the latter. It would depend on what earphone fitting you prefer as there is little difference in sound quality, especially when we are talking about such low quality. If they stock the other earphones, they are not worth the pound. If they don't, then I would say buy them if it is an *emergency. If it's a warm day, save your pound for a Feast ice cream. If it's not a warm day and it's not an emergency, don't buy them and save your pound.

*emergency - you have a long bus journey ahead and your pair of sennheisers suddenly stop working. You have 5 minutes until the bus arrives. The bus will be full of cunts.

Friday, 2 August 2013

Travel Solutions "Travel Fan With Torch"

Are you feeling too hot as you wander though town or perhaps you're just sitting in your room wishing your room wasn't the roofspace? At some point you will probably think of getting a fan. And I wouldn't argue with you if you took a trip to your local poundland to do so.

Packaging

Like most things in Poundland, the packaging prefers not to mention that it isn't good for what it's designed for and instead tries to convince you to buy it for some other shitty reason. In this case, the fan is small, lightweight and it is "space saving in any bag or suitcase". No mention about how many miles per hour the air is blasted in your face. No mention of how stunningly bright the torch is. Instead, we're told that it saves space in a suitcase, which not putting a fan in your suitcase would achieve as well.

Fan

Before I can use the fan, I have to peel myself off my chair and make myself sweat trying to find batteries. It requires 2 AA batteries. The fan is decent and it does blow air in your face quite well. On the other hand, it is far from quiet, making a noise similar to a blender, however if you want your neighbours to think you are busy working in the garden on a nice hot day, then simply place your finger in the fan now and again and it can be likened to the sound of a chainsaw.

Torch

The torch is a decent size and it shines brightly enough for you to wander slowly in the dark, making sure to point it just ahead of your feet. There is no setting to have the torch on at the same time as the fan, but I suppose that isn't a huge problem.

Other features?
Not using kodak batteries for a pound!!!

There is a rather large cord attached to the base of the fan. I suppose this could be used to hang it up or tie it to something, but it is 3.5 times the size of the fan, which just seems rather excessive.

Overall

It's a decent fan, so long as you don't need it to be quiet. If you need it to be quiet, I would recommend taking the batteries out and accidentally trapping one of your hairs just behind it in a gap between the foam blades and the motor, where a thin pole connects the two. If you pull the hair out slowly, the same motion happens. Connect another hair to the hair, looping it round the pole. This way, you can pull each hair back and forwards to move the blades until your arms get sore.

The only other issue I have is the proximity of the on/off switch to the fan, but that is as much a problem with my enormous fingers as it is with the fan.