Signalex Disc Cleaning Kit (Discs Not Included)

Today, I have decided to review a "Disc Cleaning Kit" for you. I'm fairly sure I have seen it before in Poundland, however it only occured to me on a recent trip that I actually had a reason to buy it other than to write a review. I do have a couple of cds at home that are in need of a bit of special treatment and I decided I may as well give this a try.



The packaging itself is quite typical of what I have found with quite a few products in Poundland; smiley, upbeat, lively. Basically everything that the product inside isn't. I want to talk about the packaging for a while first though. Beside a picture of a smiling woman holding a disc up, is a piece of text stating "Bring damaged discs back to life!", which suggests I can fix my CD even though it’s pretty fucked.  Not dead, but damaged to the point where it's in need of life. Right below that piece of text is the next, and far from last, slightly smaller sized piece of text; "Cleans surface scatches from discs", which would still indicate that there’s a chance I will be able to heal my CD, however now we know its limitations.    The next piece of text has a considerably smaller font size but its words are just as strong; "May prevent audio discs from skipping". I might still be able to fix my audio CD but it seems doubtful to me now. Oh well. "Hand-powered carousel cleans & polishes without the need for batteries"- My CD won’t be fixed. It doesn't have any means of utilising batteries so of course it doesn't need batteries to "maybe repair" my CD. Now, before we move on to the back of the packaging, there is another final piece of text at the bottom of the box beside a picture of 3 discs, even smaller in size. Regardless of its size, it still puts out quite a strong statement and it resonates with me quite well: "Discs not included".

The mechanisms in full view

I flip the packaging over to read what it says on the back. I am relieved to find out that the "kit includes cleaning fluid & carousel" because for a moment I was worried there would be nothing in the box. Below that is a 3 step guide to using the product. So. It's time to take out what is inside. There are 2 parts to it. The first piece is a disc cleaning solution which you spray over the disc. The solution contains propan-2-ol and water. Basically, it's the closest thing you are going to get to an alcoholic beverage in poundland. You then set that side facing down in the carousel (the other part of the kit) so it is making contact with the brushes inside it. The brushes look like something out of a make-up set that you dab on your face. The carousel then closes over and you are left to turn the handle round and round, rather like a salad spinner. This then turns a series of cogs that the brushes are attached to. In theory, this should be able to remove stains or surface scratches from CDs and hence prevent them from skipping.

I had a CD in mind that needed "life" installed into it, so I figured I would try the kit on it. In hindsight, I should really have realised that I was asking a lot of a spinning brush. As far as I can remember, it was the first CD I owned that I don't now consider really crap, so it was pretty old. Anyway, it failed at helping this CD. After brushing away the excess alcoholic solution that hadn't already been brushed away by the carousel, I loaded it up on the computer. The third track still doesn't load and there is still evident skipping in several songs. I did manage to get 1 minute and 30 seconds of the 3 minutes and 28 seconds that make up the third track loaded onto my computer and it doesn't start skipping until 5 seconds before it ends, however, I can only assume this was what it was like before I tried cleaning it, as I had just never bothered putting half a track on my computer.

The other CD I'm about to try is older and tracks 10 and 11 don't work. Track 9 skips. After applying the special treatment, track 9 still doesn't work. Track 10 doesn't load whatsoever, however I am all of a sudden greeted with Celine Dion starting to blast "The Power of Love" at me, indicating that track 11 has started working and only skipped for the first 5 seconds or so. The chorus has come in now just in case i had forgotten it started working..."CAUSE I'M YOUR LAAAADYYYYYYY". At this point, it seems that the disc cleaner has had some part to play in fixing Celine Dion, however it has failed to liven up D:Ream, Lightning Seeds or Dave Mustaine.

UPDATE: A week later, I let the disc cleaner run wild again. I tried it on a CD-ROM that wasn't loading up. And it didn't work.

Céline Marie Claudette Dion

I cannot see the Disc Cleaner having a high success rate. There's only so much spraying a CD with alcohol and twirling it about can do and I think that despite fixing Celine Dion, it didn't fix anything else and scratches aren't removed from the CDS. You could probably use a cloth or something. Cloths are available everywhere and you can find them in most shops.

On the reverse side of the packaging, underneath the instructions, you are reminded once again, "Discs not included".